Just a few jokes for you to relax....

One of the major embarrassments to which lecturers are submitted is the
audience's looking at their watches. When asked if he foundthe ordeal
particularly trying, a great speaker replied:"NO!, NOT until they start shaking them!"
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A drunk, armed with coins, entered an Automat, stopped in front of the
slot marked 'Ham Sandwich.' He dropped in two coins and got a sandwich.
He dropped in two more coins and out came another sandwich. After he
had dropped coins and collected about 20 ham sandwiches, someone
suggested. "Hey, don't you think you've had enough?"The drunk replied: "I should QUIT now? nOW--WHEN I am on a winning
streak?"
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"Didyou get home all right last night, sir?" enquired the street car
conductor one morning to one of his regular passengers. "Ofcourse. But, why do you ask?""well, when you got up and gave the lady your seat last night, you were
the only two people on the car!"
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An excited Army recruit asked his company commander for an immediate
leave/furlough-- his wife was going to have a baby. Permission was
granted. and, just when the papers were being drawn up, the officer
casually asked exactly when the baby was due. " About NINE MONTHS after
I go home, Sir!!" came the reply.
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When a sailor at a Canteen complained about a sore throat, a solicitous
hostess asked, "Have you ever tried gargling with salt water?""You're asking me? -- Who has been torpedoed three times?"
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